Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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