I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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