Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
