Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
