if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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