he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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