I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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