Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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