i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Come on in and take your pants off
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