whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
