Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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