i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
