Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
