yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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