I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
