I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I only lived at night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
