he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
