He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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