I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
