i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
