You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
