Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
