In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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