I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
