Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
