....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
MIDGETS
????
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
