Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
