Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
