Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
