oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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