Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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