I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
