I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
