I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
