Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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