Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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