haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
