my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
