youre lurking in front of me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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