I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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