you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
