sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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