so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
