Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do vagina's smell?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
