This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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