I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
