i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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