I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
