You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
