I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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