Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
