Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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